pet peeves

So I have a lot (I may be easy to annoy) but these are the main two related to teaching:

1. Not following instructions. I didn't provide detailed instructions for nothing so the fastest way to irritate me is to not read/follow these instructions and then throw a fit when I take off points or refuse to grade it.

2. Getting emails that say "I'm not going to be in class tomorrow and was wondering if I'm going to be missing anything important". I so badly want to reply: "No, thanks for asking! I'm planning on having the other 50 people show up, waste about an hour of their time and then sending them home with nothing important. Enjoy your vacation!" Now I completely understand the intention of the email but this is NOT the way to word it!

Edited to add: Along with #2 goes the email that says "I missed class today and was wondering if I missed anything important".... "Nope, I noticed you weren't there so I stopped everything and anxiously awaited your return, of course!"

Ugh!